this is not a happy post. do not read it if you enjoy happy things. there will be swearing. probably a lot of swearing. tw for : depression, doctors being assholes, and I think that’s it.
so, I went to physiotherapy today, and my normal physiotherapist was sick, so I had someone else. so it was weird. we did some different stuff today. still the ultrasound, he did some different controlled movements though, and then I did some exercises for my shoulder, and then I got my heat.
then I came home. And I had a letter from my pain clinic waiting for me.
So I opened it.
Really wished I hadn’t.
It was all official as shit, and I was like, okay, what the fuck is this, I’m confused. so I kept reading.
it was about the SCS. apparently a panel had convened, and decided that I don’t get to have a trial.
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. This wasn’t even supposed to be happening for months yet. Like, I haven’t finished losing the weight yet. I was supposed to lose the weight first, then we were going to look at it. DO THE DOCTORS NOT EVEN REMEMBER WHAT WE FUCKING DISCUSSED? DO THEY NOT REMEMBER THEIR OWN FUCKING GAMEPLANS? Like, what the fuck? I had no idea this was happening! I had no idea any of this was going on. No one fucking told me anything.
And then, cherry on top, at the bottom of the page, it says to refer to my family doctor for further treatment.
So what? Am I out? Is that it? Am I kicked out of the program without so much as a goodbye?
I have no fucking clue what the fuck is going on.
I’ve spent all fucking day in bed. And I really want to go back. But apparently my dad needs help with some computer shit, and I really don’t even want to go to Florence + The Machine tomorrow anymore but I probably should as I spent 160$ on the fucking ticket.
I really just want to hide in my fucking bed and ignore the world. A cuddle or two would be nice. But that’s really all I want to do.